A Journey Through Trauma, Near-Death, and Spiritual Awakening
A Conversation About Trust, Trauma, and the Unexpected Paths to Healing.
5 min read
This week, I’m sharing a conversation with my friend Laura Gates on her podcast “Surrendering to the Signs.” We talked about some of the hardest moments in my life—losing my brother to an unsolved murder, my son’s life-threatening illness, and a near-death experience that changed everything. Laura created a safe space for me to share how I’ve learned to navigate suffering differently. I’m grateful she’s allowing me to share our conversation here. If you’ve ever struggled with trusting yourself or wondered how to stay grounded during a crisis, I hope something in this story resonates with you. Over to Laura Gates:
In this profound episode of “Surrendering to the Signs,” I sit down with my longtime friend Sherold Barr to explore her extraordinary journey through multiple life-altering traumas, a near-death experience, and the spiritual awakening that transformed her relationship with suffering itself.
The Secret City and Synchronicities
Sherold and I first met in 2011 when we both enrolled in Marie Forleo’s B-School, back when online business education was still in its infancy. But Sherold’s story begins much earlier, in a place she calls “the Secret City” - Oak Ridge, Tennessee, which was part of the Manhattan Project.
“I’ve been marinated in secrets for my whole life,” she explains. “I’m learning about what that really means to me, because I’m writing a memoir and discovering things about myself through that journey.”
What unfolds in our conversation is a testament to finding meaning in the hardest of times and transforming trauma into wisdom. But first, there’s an incredible synchronicity that sets the stage.
The Byron Connection
Sherold’s journey of spiritual awakening began with the tragic murder of her younger brother - a cold case that remains unsolved 20 years later. Her brother was gay and lived in Tennessee, where there wasn’t much support for pursuing justice.
For five years, Sherold threw herself into the case, visiting investigators, going to crime scenes, and testifying in court.
“I was in prison,” she realized. “The perpetrator was free, yet I was in prison.”
The breakthrough came through The Work of Byron Katie - and here’s where the synchronicity becomes almost unbelievable. Byron Katie’s inquiry method helped Sherold realize she had created her own suffering, her own emotional prison, while trying to seek justice for her brother.
“My brother’s name was Byron,” she tells me, and we both pause to take in the profound connection between her brother’s name and the teacher who would help set her free.
A Mother’s Worst Fear
Years later, when Sherold’s son was diagnosed with a disease requiring medical interventions, she faced every parent’s deepest fear. Using Byron Katie’s inquiry process, she questioned her fear - “he will die.”
Through this work with three different facilitators, something extraordinary happened during the third session:
“I had an experience as if I were sitting on a bench, and next to me was my mother identity - the same version of me wearing the same clothes, but kicking and screaming and saying, ‘I can’t live.’ I’m sitting next to her in pure peace. I could see that was my ego going wild.”
When she shared this experience with Byron Katie directly, her response was simple: “Your son must be so proud to have a mother who is awake.”
Sherold didn’t even know what “awake” meant at the time, but this experience fundamentally shifted how she understood her identity beyond the roles she played. Meanwhile, her son is healthy and living his best life.
When Inner Guidance Goes Unheeded
Perhaps the most striking part of Sherold’s story involves a moment when she didn’t trust her inner voice, with near-fatal consequences. While vacationing in Baja Mexico, she and her husband planned to go whale watching. That morning, their friends cancelled because the wife wasn’t feeling well.
“I said to my husband, I don’t want to go because she’s not going to be there. She’s the reason I wanted to go - to spend time with her during whale watching. We’re going to be here a month, and I can go again.” But her husband insisted they had committed to going.
“So I didn’t trust myself,” Sherold reflected. “I got in the van.”
On the way back from whale watching, their van was hit by another car and flipped over. Sherold was the most seriously injured, suffering internal injuries that would require five major surgeries in fifteen days.
[Listen to the whole conversation to hear the incredible synchronicities that saved her life, including a brand new ambulance that happened to be driving through the desert with no medical staff, and then a doctor named Dr. Angel and a surgeon named Dr. Kill. You can’t make this stuff up!]
A Voice in the Darkness
During her medical ordeal, Sherold had a near-death experience that changed everything. Between worlds, in the void of darkness, unconscious but somehow conscious, a voice came to her telepathically from the left side.
“The voice said, ‘You get to choose how you go through this experience. What will you choose?’
And I immediately thought, I don’t want to be a victim, so I’ll choose the high road. I’ll use love and gratitude to heal.”
What followed was a complete shift in consciousness.
“It was almost like my body was a shell. And I was a spirit looking out of my eyes. It was such a different experience.”
The medical staff noticed something different about her. Dr. Kill (yes, that was really her trauma doctor’s name) later told her,
“When everybody gets sent here (hospital), they want out immediately. But you were different. You were in acceptance.”
The Power of High-Road Healing
During her six weeks in the hospital, Sherold practiced what she now calls “the high-road healing.” Instead of fighting with the circumstances, she found ways to stay in gratitude and love. She wrote thank-you notes to the ICU nurses every night, once addressing one to “the Queen of Catheters.”
The manager told her that no one ever thanked the staff - they usually only complained. Sherold’s approach created a completely different experience for everyone involved.
When she learned she needed a fifth surgery, she remained peaceful while her husband broke down crying.
“I asked him why he was crying, because I couldn’t understand. I was in pure peace.”
“Because you’re suffering,’ John said through his tears.
“I’m not suffering. You’re suffering.”
Breaking the Pattern
Through writing her memoir, Sherold has uncovered patterns that nearly cost her life. Her father had taught her,
“Don’t depend on anyone. You have to take care of yourself.”
This unconscious belief drove her to be completely self-reliant, never allowing anyone to truly care for her.
The accident forced her to receive care from her husband for the first time in their relationship.
“Sadly, I hadn’t really allowed anyone to ever take care of me. I was pushing boulders up the hill my entire life,” Sherold said.
Her mentor, Al Watt of LA Writers Lab, pointed out the more profound truth:
“You don’t trust yourself,” Al said. “You got in the van, you nearly died. Your brother Byron didn’t trust himself either. You were on a collision course to die like Byron, because you didn’t listen to yourself.”
A Completely Spiritual Life
Today, Sherold lives what she calls “a completely spiritual life.” She’s been sober for almost two years, works with Internal Family Systems therapy for trauma healing, and is rewriting her memoir.
“I’m a spiritual being in a human body,” she says with clarity. “I want to be clear, and I want to be of service.”
She’s developing a program to help others navigate health crises without creating additional suffering - sharing the practical wisdom she gained from her own journey through multiple traumas and healing.
Sherold’s story demonstrates that our greatest challenges can become our greatest teachers when we’re willing to question our thoughts, trust our inner guidance, and choose the high road even in the darkest moments. The synchronicities in her life - from Byron Katie helping heal her grief over Byron, to the mysterious ambulance in the desert - remind us that we’re supported in ways we can’t always see or understand.
Listen to the whole conversation to hear the complete story of Sherold’s whale-watching experience, the incredible medical synchronicities that saved her life, and her powerful insights about transforming trauma into wisdom.
Sherold is currently writing her memoir and developing programs to help others navigate life with greater consciousness and less suffering. She can be found at www.Sheroldbarr.com