Aging is an Illusion: How to Transform Your Relationship with Getting Older
What if everything you've been told about aging is wrong?
My mother shot a hole-in-one the week before her 76th birthday after playing golf for 40+ years!
What if, instead of dreading each passing year, you could approach aging as the most profound spiritual practice of your lifetime?
As I’ve aged, I've discovered something revolutionary: aging isn't about decline—it's about awakening. And the secret lies not in fighting the process, but in completely rethinking how we approach it.
The power of family legacy - why it matters more than you think
Here's something that might surprise you: 97% of your behaviors and actions are automatic and governed by your subconscious mind. You only have 3% conscious willpower working in your favor. That means the beliefs about aging that were whispered around your family dinner table or in your circle of friends are running your life right now.
So let me ask you: What did your family say about getting older? What phrases echo in your mind when you think about aging? What do your friends talk about when telling their stories of aging?
I want to invite you to write down those beliefs. All of them. Because until you see them clearly, they're controlling your experience of aging from the shadows.
A different kind of family legacy
I'm incredibly fortunate. I come from a line of women who rewrote the rules of aging. My maternal grandmother lived to 101, and my mother? She's turning 98 on Halloween. She’s been in memory care and is slowly getting weaker, but she can still walk with a walker, although she is slowing down. It’s rare to have a mother who is living at my age.
Here's what made them different: they refused to act old
My Nana had the most delicious philosophy about aging. She said,
"I don't like hanging around older people—all they do is complain." The irony? She consistently won the award for being the oldest person at the Oak Ridge Senior Center. She and her second husband, Ed, were five-time Putt Putt champions.
Think about that for a moment. She married Ed when she was seventy years young. She saw this good-looking man across the room at a square dance at the Oak Ridge (TN) Senior Center, walked over, and asked him to dance. Ed was sixty-five. They had the happiest thirty-year marriage of their lives, always on the go, always saying yes to adventure.
A lesson in saying yes to life
When Nana started dating Ed, she told my mom,
"Dot, he wants me to go swimming. I don't even have a bathing suit. He wants me to go on vacation with him."
My mother's response? "Do whatever he wants you to do. Go and have fun."
The Hole-in-One at 76
My mother played golf for 45 years. At the age of 76, she hit a hole-in-one at Maggie Valley Golf Course in Maggie Valley, North Carolina, where she and Dad had a home for many years. The pro came out, and they took her picture holding the flag over the hole on the green.
Mom was beaming with the joy of someone who had never stopped playing, never stopped trying, never stopped believing in possibilities.
My grandmother bowled until she was 90. Read that again: 90 years old and still bowling.
These women didn't just age—they evolved, they played, they loved, they lived.
Breaking the pattern (if you need to)
Maybe you're reading this thinking, "That's wonderful for you, but my family legacy around aging isn't so inspiring." I hear you. And here's the beautiful truth: you get to choose.
If you didn't have a legacy of vibrant older people in your family, find a role model. Break those old patterns. Start something new. Your DNA doesn't determine your destiny when it comes to how you experience aging.
Aging as a spiritual practice
Here's what I've discovered as I've entered what some call "cronedom": Aging is a spiritual practice.
When you approach it this way, everything changes. I'm more content with myself now than I've ever been. I have wisdom to share. When I go out each day, my whole intention is to be kind, to come from a place of love, and to help the people right in front of me by simply noticing them.
Because here's what I know: people need kindness now more than ever.
The body ages, the spirit doesn't
My body saved my life. My body is aging, yes, but here's the profound truth I want you to understand: my spirit is not aging. My spirit goes on beyond this body. When this physical form passes away, my spirit continues.
Research shows that you are as young as you feel. I feel like I'm in my mid-sixties, and I don't want to stop feeling that way. How old do you feel? Really?
Each decade can get better and better—but it's a matter of choice.
The faith factor
I had a friend over recently who said, "I just don't know how I'm going to get through aging."
Here's what I wanted to tell her (and what I'm telling you now): You get through aging by having faith. You get through it by connecting with your friends and nurturing your spiritual path.
I'm not a religious person who attends church every Sunday, but I have a deep faith because of my personal experiences. That faith is what saved me—and having faith?
Faith is part of resilience.
Your Inner Life Revolution
The most important thing you can do as you age is develop an inner life. Why? Because here's a profound truth that took me decades to understand:
Everything you think you want is outside of yourself—money, success, relationships, recognition, the perfect job. It's all external. And it's all an illusion.
What you truly need is inside of you. Because when everything external falls apart (and sometimes it does), your inner life is what carries you through the hard times.
Your Daily Spiritual Practice
You must approach each day with presence, focusing on what's in front of you rather than getting triggered by the chaos of the outside world. This is your daily practice:
Choose kindness in every interaction
Come from love rather than fear
Notice the people right in front of you
Stay present to what each day offers
Nurture your inner life like it's your most precious garden
The Ultimate Truth
Here's what I want to leave you with: Aging is an illusion. The number of years you've lived on this planet has nothing to do with your capacity for joy, growth, adventure, love, or contribution.
You get to choose how you move through every situation. You have free will. You can decide right now to rewrite your relationship with aging.
My entire life is dedicated to serving others and sharing the knowledge I've gained through these spiritual experiences and awakenings. And what I've learned is this: The most beautiful chapters of your life might still be unwritten.
So what will you choose? Will you buy into the cultural myths about aging, or will you step into your power as a spiritual being having a temporary human experience?
Your spirit is ageless. Your capacity for growth is infinite. Your time to shine is now.
The question isn't how old you are—it's how alive you choose to be.
I love what you just wrote about aging because it is how I look at it. It's wonderful to have confirmation from someone else who has given this a lot of thought. Thank You! Kay V.