Harnessing courage to do what scares you.
The places that scare you can become your most memorable experiences in life.
"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."
~Joseph Campbell
Photo of Escalante Canyon in AZ by Marco Davoli on Unsplash
I grew up being afraid to take risks, but when I arrived at midlife, I decided to pursue things I’d always wanted to do that felt intimidating. When John and I married in the mid-90s, we began traveling to Europe, Costa Rica, and Bhutan. We've taken many more trips over the years since then. One thing that helped me was to focus on being brave and courageous. When I learned I was a type six on the Enneagram, I began to cultivate experiences that helped me feel daring. Now I trust myself to do new things and seek out new adventures to make my life enjoyable. I trust myself to handle any situation that life presents, and I’m courageous. I recommend taking this free Enneagram test to discover your type.
I want to share a story about a pivotal experience in learning to become brave and understanding what it means to be “quiet inside.”
In 1993, I backpacked in the Escalante Canyon, Utah, with “John #1,” my boyfriend at the time. My nine-year-old son named the three Johns I dated - John #1, John #2, and John #3, whom I married. That first day, we hiked through the desert for miles in the midday heat. We got a late start that day, and it was a hot hike in the desert. That trip was the most challenging backpacking trip I’d ever taken. This was only the second time I’d gone backpacking, and it became one of my favorite experiences.
My heart was pounding, my mouth and throat were dry, and adrenaline was pumping throughout my body as we stopped to talk to a couple on their way out of the canyons. They were panicked because they hadn’t brought enough water on their day hike and asked us for some water.
“Here, you can have some water,” John #1 said as he filled their water bottles with his extra water bottle. I’d already consumed much of my bottle.
Now, we needed more water and were almost out of it. The fear from the young couple spread to me and raced like wildfire up my hiking boots to the top of my head. Dear God, please guide us to the campsite, I pleaded. I promise if I survive tonight, I’ll dedicate my life to giving back.
We were heading into the Grand Escalante Staircase to backpack in Coyote Gulch for five days of hiking through thirteen miles of slot canyons and sacred Anasazi grounds.
John said the plan was that once we found a campsite, we’d hike along the creek to find a natural seep where clean water flowed. These spots were well mapped in a book he carried, and he knew their locations from his last trip years ago.
As it grew dark, we quickly put up our tent and walked into Coyote Gulch to find water. It was pitch-black, and we were walking through a creek. I was concerned that John wouldn’t know where we were going, and that we might get lost.
As we hiked, I spent a lot of time talking to God, feeling increasingly frightened and stressed. I was secretly worried we were getting lost.
That night ended well — the good news was that John had been in this canyon before, and he found the water that night.
Later that evening, I knelt in the tent after having pasta with clam sauce and white wine, and I told God that I would serve in some way with my life.
My daily mantra during the hike – “I am brave.”
For the five days of our hike, I repeated that mantra in my mind. John said mid-way through our backpack hike, “You are very courageous,” and he meant it.
“Thank you, because that helps me feel even braver,” I said as I hiked ahead of him on the trail.
It took a lot of courage for me to go on this backpacking trip because it was outside my comfort zone. I’d only gone backpacking once (seven miles) in the Three Sisters Wilderness in Oregon. However, this trip remains one of the most exciting adventures I’ve ever taken.
I became more courageous because I did something new.
After days of hiking halfway through the trip, I realized I no longer needed to talk just for the sake of talking. There seemed to be nothing that needed to be said. The quiet of nature and the beauty of the canyons were enough. All the chatter in my mind had disappeared. I realized how peaceful life can be without a lot of talking or noise. We were hiking in the sacred Anastasi canyons, and the colors of the light on the canyon walls and the stains from the water seeping down the walls were almost like a backdrop. It was astonishingly beautiful. You can learn more here about Coyote Gulch where we hiked in Escalante.
On day three of our hiking trip, I said, “I sure wish I had a hiking stick.”
John said, in amazement, “Look at that stick leaning against the tree!”
Next to a tree was a smooth, well-worn walking stick that someone had used for many years. It was as if my thoughts and words in this ultra-quiet place helped me instantly manifest what I wanted. We were both amazed.
Then I described what we wanted once we got out of the canyon: cold beers, Kettle chips, and a laundromat. Sure enough, right across from our hotel that night was everything we needed. Once we got back to the car, we had kettle chips and cold beers he had left in his cooler with dry ice!
I learned the importance of quieting my mind.
The places that scare me the most become the most memorable experiences in life.
These places become markers of courage, and by stepping into the fear and walking through the fire, you gain self-confidence and self-trust.
The psychological condition of fear is separated from actual, immediate danger.
The images in your mind about the future tend to create emotions of unease, worry, anxiety, tension, stress, or phobias.
The present moment is much easier to cope with than an uncertain future.
The mind wants to deny the present moment or the “Now” and to escape from it. You’re in the here and now while your mind is in the future.
The more you can step into the present and accept the Now, the less you suffer. Realize the present moment is all you ever have. You can’t change reality.
What I know for sure is this: I felt the most alive when I conquered the fears of the experiences I feared the most.
These are the experiences that I remember as my favorites.
My backpacking adventure in the Escalante Canyon ranks as a peak experience.
Taking the risk to hike into the canyons helped me turn my fear into a quest for courage.
On our last day in the canyon, I jumped for joy when we met a couple heading out of the canyon. They offered to give us a ride back to our car, which would save us a lot of time walking to it.
They took a shortcut, which entailed climbing up a steep rock outcropping and wearing our backpacks. I was thrilled to complete this trip and proud that I scrambled up the sloping rock wall, wearing my backpack, without fear.
The wife, however, was terrified to go up. So I climbed back down, put on her backpack, and guided her back up. That day, I had no fear – only exhilaration.
When we reached our car, John had two cold beers on ice as a big surprise. Beer never tasted this good – ever! This trip will be with me for the rest of my life.
Go straight into what scares you – that’s your gold.
To paraphrase Carl Jung, every ego death is a victory for your soul.
So, this is your stretch goal. This is how self-confidence is built. The more fear stops you or keeps you stuck, the more you need to do it.
Ask yourself, “When I’m older, will I regret not doing this?
The more impossible you feel the fear of doing something brave, [fill in the blank with something you want to do], the more critical it is for your soul’s evolution that you do it.
Your soul is calling you to move towards that thing that you dream about.
Commit to doing what you love even though it scares the hell out of you.
Fear holds you back from reaching your full potential and experiencing a fulfilling life. When you live in fear, you’re living a small life, hiding out, and not taking risks.
HOW TO MANAGE YOUR FEARS:
Notice your fear. This is the first step. Take a few seconds to acknowledge the fear. We all have fear – we’re wired for it because it comes from our reptilian brain that keeps us alive and away from danger. When you feel anxiety or the rush of adrenaline, stop, notice, and breathe. Whether imagined or real, the first step in overcoming fear is admitting it exists.
When you feel fear, ask yourself, “Is this fear real, or am I imagining it?” Am I watching a mind-movie in the future? What am I thinking about? Don’t try to push it away. As you become aware of your fearful voice, you’ll lessen its power to drive your behavior unconsciously.
Expand your comfort zone. As we grow up, we absorb some of the fears of those around us. We form a mental zone that we call our comfort zone. This is our safe zone where we feel secure and avoid feeling uncomfortable. Start small, and you’ll expand your comfort zone as you gain more confidence. Go to the edge of any dream that scares you – that’s where you’re being called for your soul’s evolution.
Here’s what I suggest:
If you’re excited and you feel fear, do it.
If you would love to do it but feel afraid, do it.
If you want to take the safe route, take the uncertain route.
This is how you grow, gain confidence, and add a notch to your experience belt. Whenever you choose to do something, especially something meaningful, are you selecting the safe choice?
Fear grows when you resist it. What you resist persists. We tend to ignore things we’re afraid of or resist anything that feels uncomfortable. Let’s say that money is an issue for you, and you don’t want to look at your bills, so you put them in a drawer without opening them. Or you’re afraid to look at your bank balance. Ignoring money or bills won’t make them go away; it can become a bigger problem in your mind.
Analyze your fear and ask yourself: Where does your fear come from? Is it real or imagined? What’s the worst thing that can happen? Can I deal with it or overcome it? Most of the time, the worst scenario is not as bad as we feared. Talking it through with a friend lessens the effect of fear.
Face it. Allow yourself to feel fear in your body. Act despite your fear and treat it as a challenge to grow and become stronger.
Be persistent. Do the thing you fear over and over again. By doing it repeatedly, it loses its power over you, and you become less vulnerable to it. You desensitize the fear this way.
Practice being courageous. This is how I have become more daring in my life: I’ve identified what helps me feel bold when taking risks. I ask myself, what will I lose by doing this? To conquer a particular fear, you want to cultivate courage. When you become courageous, you develop self-trust and build self-confidence. This is the healthy way to approach fear.
Now I’d love to hear from you. If you liked this article, please share it or click the heart below and leave me a comment.
If you’re interested in coaching with me about a situation in your life that feels overwhelming, stressful, or fearful, email me at sherold@sheroldbarr.com. I’m offering savings on a summer coaching package.