Photo: John and me on Ronda’s famous Puente Nuevo bridge.

Hello friend - we the people of the United States of America have spoken and said we’re tired of cruelty, hate, lawlessness, corruption, high prices and a needless war. This is not what America stands for. Our mid-term elections told the world that we do not tolerate cruelty, hate, or corruption in our country. And you did it! We did it.

You can build courage with deliberate practice and make it a skill

Last year, when my husband, John, decided to do another cycling trip in Europe, he suggested I meet him in Madrid after he finished. I was excited by the thought of going to Europe again, but I felt uncertain about going. I would fly from Portland, OR, to Amsterdam, then after a six-hour layover, fly to Madrid.

As the trip got closer and we needed to book a frequent flyer ticket to Madrid, I began to feel overwhelmed by the fear. I noticed that for three days I felt overwhelmed and it felt like my veins were coursing with adrenaline. I decided to take action.

My biggest concern about leaving was that our eight-year-old labradoodle, Teddy, had knee surgery at the end of May for a torn left CCL (knee). In early September, he had a second major surgery to remove his spleen and had four liver biopsies. The results came back good on his liver.

During Teddy’s recovery, he tore his other knee, which the vet said does happen. I Felt terrible about leaving him for two weeks at the end of October while we’d be gone. This bothered me a lot. So I decided what would help me feel better was to hire two pet sitters who would split the time in two and take good care of him. After I enlisted their support to care for him, I finally felt relief.

The last thing that felt uncertain to me was that I’d never flown to Amsterdam and didn’t know the airport. and whether the airport would be easy for me to navigate. I decided I could go online to the airport’s website, look at the layout for my airline. That step calmed my fear.

The third thing is that one of my husband’s and my core values is adventure. Did I really want to turn down a chance to see a different part of Spain? I’d been to Barcelona twenty-one years ago. I decided that going on this trip would give me the expansive life I wanted. If I stayed home, my life would grow smaller.

This is how I was able to break down fear and uncertainty, go on the trip, and have a great time. I practiced these same steps when I flew to Italy by myself in 2023 for a writing retreat in Tuscany. After that trip, I knew I could do it again so it would not be a fear of mine. I learned that I enjoyed traveling alone.

What the research says about courage

I’ve been deliberately building my courage for many years. Each time I do something that’s felt difficult or even impossible, my self-confidence grows.

Harvard Business School professor and leadership expert Ranjay Gulati, PhD, defines courage not as the absence of fear, but as the ability to take purposeful action despite being afraid. He says fear stems from uncertainty rather than risk. When we face uncertainty, the brain’s amygdala triggers a primitive freeze or flight response.

Gulati says courage is a learned behavior, not a personality trait. Overcoming fear requires more than raw willpower. It involves framing the situation constructively, connecting with a support circle, and anchoring to a noble cause or clear purpose.

Gulati encourages people to practice everyday boldness and make methodical, thoughtful choices instead of pretending fear does not exist.

Three ways to build courage

Courage is action in the face of fear. You take action in spite of it. Gulati’s approach includes these three. I could see my own steps in each:

Calm. Make a checklist. It’s a way to regulate your emotions and dial down the fear. Some athletes use a ritual before a performance. I decided to go to the airport’s website and find out the layout of the terminal where I’d spend my time during the long layover. My mind was prepared.
Confidence. [WRITE: your notes cut off at “exposure therapy… If they could do.” Finish this idea. It may connect to your trip to Italy in 2023, which made Spain easier.]
Conviction. Most of us hold some beliefs as sacred. As I said, John and I share a core value of travel and adventure. We view this as sacred in our relationship.

Something else matters more than the fear. For me, it was the experience I wanted to have. We also act our way into knowing. As a two-time entrepreneur, I never had all the data I needed. I had to take it step by step.

Building courage in daily life

Most of us are living our fears, not our dreams.

Fear hijacks the amygdala and drives many of our actions. If we can transcend our fears, it can be liberating, and it helps us think more objectively.

How do we become more deliberate? Courage is a master virtue that unlocks other virtues. Ask yourself:

What very simple thing can I do to calm myself in the face of fear?
How do I build the inner can-do mindset I need in the face of the unknown?
How do I take steps into the unknown, instead of leaping?
What do I believe in? What do I stand for? What is my purpose? What are my values?

This creates a toolkit that helps us take on fear instead of being paralyzed by it.

It’s easy to feel paralyzed in uncertain times. So ask yourself: how do I manage fear and take action? It’s not easy. But it’s a skill, and you can practice it.

I believe it you!

XO, Sherold

High Road to Healing with Sherold Barr

How I Faced My Fear of Traveling Alone to…