Living through the Unimaginable
On the other side is a complete alchemical transmutation of pain and suffering into gold.
“So whenever any kind of disaster strikes, or something goes seriously “wrong” — illness, disability, loss of home or fortune or of a socially defined identity, breakup of a close relationship, death or suffering of a loved one, or your impending death — know that there is another side to it, that you are just one step away from something incredible: a complete alchemical transmutation of the base metal of pain and suffering into gold. That one step is called surrender.” ― Eckhart Tolle
Photo: Freepik
No one wants to think about the unimaginable happening in their lives.
People who have lost their homes in the southern California wildfires are living through the unimaginable.
Losing your home and all of your worldly possessions is unimaginable.
Losing a family member in the fires is unimaginable.
Many families in Altadena suffered huge losses, did not have insurance, and had no place to live. But they still had to pay rent in a different place while paying a mortgage, which is unimaginable.
Our incoming U.S. President tells people to believe what he says, which is the opposite of the truth, instilling confusion and fear.
The President pulled the U.S. out of the Paris Climate Accord, reversing our country’s approach to climate change, which is unimaginable in the face of extreme weather.
It’s unimaginable to people who have experienced extreme weather conditions, such as the flooding in North Carolina last year and the fires in California this year.
No one wants to experience the unimaginable.
I’ve lived through three unimaginable traumas.
I’d watched my mother lose her youngest son, my younger brother, in 2005, now a cold case.
I died a small death when she said, “I can’t believe I’ll never see Byron on this earth again.”
My mother became a vilomah, an ancient Sanskrit word that means "against a natural order." Children shouldn’t precede us in death.
We shouldn’t have to bury our children.
The Hebrew word, shakul, means a reversal of the natural order. It’s the way of the world that children shall bury old parents.
The collective unconscious can render a parent who has suffered this loss a dead person walking.
When my son was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease thirteen years ago and needed a medical intervention to survive,
I heard many mothers say to me, “I just can’t imagine.”
My mind couldn’t imagine it, nor did I want to even think about it, but I was living the unimaginable.
Fear gripped my chest. I wanted to take action, but there was no action to take.
I knew I could only control how I thought about this situation.
I wanted to trade my life for his.
The physical, emotional, and spiritual anguish was overwhelming.
“Let my son live,” I pleaded to God.
I asked a fellow facilitator in The Work of Byron Katie to guide me in questioning the painful belief, “He will die.”
This was my third time working on this belief with a different facilitator. The first two times I questioned the belief, it helped me, but the fear remained.
I wanted to do inquiry until my mind was at peace.
I knew I had to keep questioning this painful thought to find a way to live.
In inquiry, I sat on my couch and closed my eyes.
I went away to a place where there was nothing but the questions.
The collective Mother identity is so strong that we believe we can’t live if a child dies.
How do I react when I think he will die?
“I want to trade my life for his. I’ve had a long life. I’m ready to go,” I said. “I can’t imagine living without him.”
How do I react when I believe that thought?
I feel suffocated.
My heart and body are heavy with sadness.
Who would I be without that thought?
A field of awareness opened up within me. Suddenly, I was in a different reality. I saw the part of me that was my mother identity dressed in my clothes, sitting right next to me, kicking and screaming, “He will die, and you can’t live your life if your child dies.”
Yet, I sat beside that part of me, enveloped in an ocean of calm and peace.
I felt spacious inside.
At that moment, I realized if he died, I could live.
I could mother other young people, the earth, and myself.
I could live if he died.
I didn’t have to listen to the collective mother’s fears and feel afraid.
I was at peace. It might be hard for you to imagine that I could be at peace in this circumstance, but I’d thoroughly questioned my fear.
I surrendered the fear and accepted whatever was going to happen.
The best news is that my son is healthy, and I’m a grandmother!
We are here on earth to learn lessons to help us become stronger.
The way through is to surrender and accept the unimaginable as reality.
There are miracles on the other side of your pain. Try laying it down or giving your suffering to God. Ask for guidance from your angels and spiritual guides.
Surrender it.
Move into acceptance because you can’t change the reality of a situation, but you can CHOOSE how you experience it.