You get to choose your attitude about the outcome of the U.S. Presidential election

What will you choose?

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What’s life without a few dragons anyway?”

~J.R. Rollins

We now face many dragons in the outer world, including war and political unrest. Before writing, I took a week to rest and practice self-care. This experience has made me revisit my core values and beliefs. I’m concerned about retribution and the mass deportation of immigrants.

I’m not interested in a political dialogue here, nor am I interested in talking about religion. I’m being honest about what I’ve been thinking about and how bizarre it feels.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

The AA Serenity Prayer

Victor Frankl is famous for bringing us this lesson:

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number,

but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.“

You can’t change external circumstances, but you can change your mind and reframe the experience.

You can only change how you react to external events by choosing your attitude.

To do this, you have to be conscious of your thoughts. Many people wish they weren’t in a predicament when a life event occurs. They resist it and want it to go away, and story fondle, as Martha Beck calls it - telling the story repeatedly to others.

Your first reaction might be, This shouldn’t be happening.

You resist what’s happening because it shouldn’t be happening in your mind.

Can you think of a time when you resisted the reality of what was happening?

If so, remember you’re becoming a new version of yourself as you age. You’re evolving because you know better now. Treat yourself with loving self-compassion, like your pet or someone you love.

* * *

Seven years ago, after a near-fatal car wreck in Baja, Mexico, I came back to consciousness and realized I was in an ambulance on the way to a hospital. I was helpless and frightened and said,

“God, I’m in your hands.”

I fully surrendered to the divine because I was in a Spanish-speaking country and badly injured. I’d never surrendered before, but what I experienced was miraculous.

Surrendering is not giving up. It’s acceptance.

I surrendered each time I was taken to surgery, which was six times.

After the third abdominal surgery, I had a near-death experience (NDE).

I woke up and knew something profound had happened because I remembered vividly the voice of my spiritual guide telepathically asked me this question:

“You get to choose how you go through this experience. What will you choose?”

In the darkness, I thought,

“I don’t want to be a victim. I’ll choose the high road. I’ll use love and gratitude to heal.”

The NDE made the accident, recovery, and a lifetime of physical issues I must manage all worth it. I felt like an angel touched me – my energy was much higher afterward, lasting four months after the accident. This is why I healed so quickly from six major abdominal surgeries in four months.

“I’m not afraid of death anymore,” I said to John. “My experience of this voice asking me what I’ll choose going forward with these surgeries and knowing how to follow the high road has given me a sense of spiritual alignment.

I could have chosen to die, and that would have felt like I lost the will to live and gave up.

OR

I could choose to live and take the high road, becoming self-realized and more of my true Self as I unburden myself from emotional wounds.

I’m no longer afraid to die because I want to live fully for the first time in my life - out of fear.

I knew not to let my mind control my experience in the hospital. If I let fear take over, I would suffer needlessly.

I used love and gratitude to heal.

I grew irritated with the whiteboard in my hospital room, which displayed the names of my doctor and nurses for the day and the goals of Dr. Kill (my trauma surgeon’s actual name).

However, I knew that if I chose to fight with the whiteboard, I would lose 100 percent of the time because it was fixed to the wall. So, I decided to make friends with it.

Because of the near-death experience, I was in pure acceptance of everything.

The negative, repetitive, fearful voice of my ego was offline. I was in the place of my higher Self. I knew I was in a higher consciousness; I wondered if my care providers would notice.

“I know you have to go, but I don’t want you to go,” said Princess, a CNA who helped me during my six weeks in the trauma center in San Diego.  People did notice, and even Dr. Kill was intrigued because I was in acceptance of everything.

A year after the accident, John and I drove our Airstream down to San Diego from Oregon to visit my care providers and thank them. It was John’s idea. When we saw Dr. Kill, one of the first things he said to me was,

“People want to get out of here as fast as possible,” Dr Kill said. But you accepted everything. You even had to reel John back in several times when he was spinning out.”

Suppose I had gone to war with a nurse I didn’t like.

I would have created needless emotional suffering for me and the nurse. I was already suffering from the pain of learning to stand and walk with a fractured sacrum. That was the suffering I bore for my spiritual growth.

I want to live a more spiritual life.

The accident was intended to prevent me from following the wrong path and pursuing money and success. My father raised me to achieve success by pursuing the American dream, but no one told me I’d feel empty inside and depleted when I achieved that success and money.

Material things are not what you remember at the end of life. It’s all about love.

“Pain for a worthy purpose is suffering, Zukav said, “So if you know your pain serves a purpose — and that purpose is your spiritual growth — that’s suffering. What could be more worthy than the health of your soul?”

We’re here on earth to learn from our most challenging lessons.

You become stronger like the caterpillar struggling mightily to get out of the cocoon, which gives it the strength to live longer because of the struggle.

Pain is unavoidable; suffering is not. It occurs in response to thoughts such as: “Why me?!” “It isn’t fair!” “This is horrible!” “I can’t stand it!”

When you practice acceptance, you let yourself move forward, giving you the freedom to take steps to improve your life.

While writing my memoir, I discovered I didn’t trust myself. This is my spiritual practice to trust the Universe or God (whatever you call it) and myself.

After my near-death experience, I know the Universe is kind and always has my best interest at heart. I also have proof that we are not alone. We each have a spiritual guide with us during our life on earth. That’s the voice I heard when I was unconscious.

Here are two beautiful things for you:

A beautiful poem by John O’Donohue

May I have the courage today

To live the life that I would love,

To postpone my dream no longer

But do at last what I came here for

And waste my heart on fear no more.

***

Pema Chodron’s beautiful breathing practice to help with grief:

Pema says, “Breathe it into your heart and let it expand. Instead of rejecting the discomfort, embrace it.

Take six inhales, allowing and embracing the breath. Be open to it and give yourself a lot of space. Be compassionate and abiding.

1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling physically, and your mind might be racing

2. Recognize you’re suffering.

3. Welcome and embrace it

4. Locate it in your body – when you’re afraid, your body is contracted. Make friends with the tightness or anxiety in the body. We resist uncomfortable feelings.

5. Sit with the feelings and feel them for at least 90 seconds, breathing in and out. Then, let them go. If you don't attach to them and ruminate, it takes 90 seconds for the feeling to pass through you.

I’m sending you lots of love. I believe in us as a democracy. I pray it will survive.

Remember to practice self-compassion because we’re going through difficult times.

We can do hard things together as a community.

P.S. I want to start a six-week small group coaching program for women.

I offer a safe and confidential space for a small group of women (six of us) to meet over Zoom once a week for six weeks to share the fears or frustrations causing you to suffer.

I will gently navigate through the complexities of your journey, offering inquiry to question your negative thoughts and beliefs. You have the answers inside. I help you dig deep to find them.

Each woman will receive one 45-minute coaching session on Zoom during the six weeks. The beauty of a small group of women is that you’ll get a lot out of listening to everyone being coached.

Bring your biggest fear or frustration, and let me help you. If you’re interested, email me for the details. If there is enough interest, I’ll start in December; if not, it will be in January. Our sessions will be held on Sundays at 10 a.m. PT and 1 p.m. ET.

Investment for six weeks: $149

*My usual coaching fee is $250 an hour, so this is a great way to work with me.

Interested? Please email me at sherold@sheroldbarr.com

P.P.S. I’m still working on my website. It’s progressing slowly. That’s why I don’t have the landing page where you can sign up.

You know I love to hear from you. Please drop me a comment about how you are getting through post-election news.

XO, Sherold