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Hey, friend. I want to talk about something I learned after experiencing a near-fatal car wreck seven years ago.
But first, I want you to know I’m willing to create videos even though they’re not perfect because I know the more I make, the better I’ll get. I’m committed to sharing my message.
I want you to imagine the worst thing that’s happened in your life. You probably thought about it immediately.
Now pause, I invite you to take two long deep breathes - expand your abdomen then continue to slowly fill your chest.
Hold for five seconds then slowly release the breath. Repeat.
How did the event you imagined as the worst thing that’s happened lead you perhaps many years later to your best version of your life?
I was vacationing with my husband, John, a retired emergency physician, for a month in Baja, Mexico. A week into our trip, we were whale watching (my most favorite activity) with friends on the Pacific coast of the Baja Peninsula.
On the way back to Loreto, the van we were riding was involved in car wreck. Our van was rear-ended at a high speed, pushed off the highway, rolled onto its side and slammed into a boulder.
What happened next was a miracle.
A bystander who stopped and came to help us, called an ambulance. It would take forty-five minutes for it to arrive. I passed out from pain. I thought I broke my pelvis but I was bleeding internally from blunt force seat-beat trauma. There were no shoulder harnesses in the van.
About twenty minutes after the accident, a brand new, but unequipped, ambulance being delivered up north to a hospital, happened to pull up to the crash site. The Mexican driver told bystanders he would take us back to the nearest hospital. We were in the middle of the Baja peninsula desert. The timing of this was miraculous.
We were taken to a rural hospital where I had lifesaving abdominal surgery due to the classic seat belt injury. After innumerable challenges, I was transferred to a private hospital in La Paz by ambulance once the washed out road was reopened. Complications required a second surgery there. A concierge physician, Dr. Angel oversaw my post-op medical care.
More complications required a higher level of care. I was put on a ventilator, and we were air evacuated in a small Learjet to Sharp Memorial Hospital in San Diego. There my trauma surgeon was Dr. Kill, (real name). I'm not making this sh*t up.
Around the third surgery, I had a near-death experience.
At the time, I knew something profound had happened, but I didn't know what. I heard a voice in the black darkness saying,
"You get to choose how you go through this experience. What will you choose?"
I immediately thought,
"I'll choose the high road because I don't want to be a victim. I'll use love and gratitude to heal."
And that's what I did. When I was awake in ICU, I blissfully thought,
"Will they notice something's different about me?"
My energy was high - as if I were touched by an angel.
I kept having recurring intra-abdominal infections and had a fourth surgery due to an abscess. Ultimately half my small bowel was removed.
Make a note of this. If you're traveling, always notice if the car or van has a shoulder harness.
There were no shoulder harnesses in the rental van. My husband and I sat in bucket seats behind the driver. We did not notice there were no shoulder harnesses.
After the wreck, I was hanging by the seat belt. The lap belt just ripped muscle off my left hip bone and tore open my small bowel.
Yet I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything,
It took me 18 months to recover and learn to walk again. I had six major abdominal surgeries plus seven outpatient procedures. After my sixth surgery, I woke up to a numb left leg and couldn't walk. And luckily, my femoral nerve, which is the quadriceps nerve, came back after a month or two.
For the first time, I experienced my true Self - my higher Self - because of the near-death experience. I was in a bliss state for four months after the accident until my ego came back on line - the negative repetitive voice in the head.
It was a tough time in my life.
What I want to say is the worst thing in my life — this car wreck — led me to live my best life.
I understand what if feels like to be a spiritual being in a human body. There are no words that can easily express how it feels to be in your true Self. I will write about this in an upcoming article.
Before each trauma, things were put in place that made it easier for me and my family.
I would never have believed it until I experienced it.
The Universe puts good things in place before, during, and after an adverse event.
Now, it depends on how you see things. You have to be aware or go back in time and revisit these difficult events and find the diamonds in the rough. It’s a way of reframing the situation after you’ve reviewed it carefully and see if you can find any good there.
And that's what I want to ask you to do. I want you to think of your worst experience in life and then take some breaths after you do that. But I want you to go back and think it through.
You have to go back and look for proof because your mind won't believe it unless your conscious and write it down.
If I find myself in a challenging life experience or in a trauma or something stressful is happening, I know how to think about my situation unless I’m triggered and in the trance of feeling uncomfortable emotions.
I manage my mind, by stepping back and looking objectively at the situation.
If I give up on myself and think the Boss (God) is punishing me for being bad, I’m a victim of the situation. I knew I didn’t want to become a victim.
I was willing to do whatever it took to get me back to my life. That’s why I wanted to take the high road because I wanted to walk again. I visualized myself hiking on the Rosary Lakes Trail of the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) near our Forest Service Cabin we owned more than 30 years.
I went through many dark nights of the soul during this experience, yet I learned we live in a benevolent Universe.
The Boss rewards courage.
I had a choice and so do you. It’s a choice between fear and love. You can choose to be a victim of the situation or take charge and step into your true power.
Asking yourself questions helps you grow and learn from your experience. Journaling is good but I’ve found coaching to be the safe container to dive into the fears, beliefs that are keeping you playing small.
I know how to find the good because I've trained my brain to find it.
*I always go through the emotional part of these events - I grieve, cry, go to counseling, workout and do my best to eat right. It’s taken me six or seven years to integrate this experience in my life.
I hiked seven miles to all of the Rosary Lakes Trail on the PCT in 2019 - two years after the accident. SCORE!
I began taking writing classes in 2020 because I knew I needed to write a book about this and other experiences that helped me grow. I was phobic about writing but I have a draft manuscript in the works. SCORE!
I’m a grandmother of an 18-month-old and my son is in great health. This baby is another true miracle.
I live my life using love, kindness and gratitude to be in service to others.
I'd like to see if you can find evidence and proof of the good the next time you have a situation that's difficult. Once you get some space from it and you've done your work, you can see this. It’s a life practice of self-realization.
How did this worst-case scenario lead to something good in your life?
Maybe the trauma lead to a complete change in your life, but it ended up being good for you. There is always love, which is a beautiful thing. Can you look back and find the good?
I’d love to hear from you. If you like this video, please like it by clicking the heart below. You can become a free Youtube subscriber of mine here.
If you've got a comment here on Substack, I’d love to hear it. Thank you.
P.S. If you are interested in talking with me about coaching, please shoot me an email at sherold@sheroldbarr.com. I have special short packages for the summer/fall.
XO, Sherold
*By participating in/reading my coaching service/website/blog/email series, you acknowledge that I am not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Coaching is in no way to be construed or substituted as psychological counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice. I will at all times exercise my best professional efforts, skills and care. However, I cannot guarantee the outcome of coaching efforts and/or recommendations on my website/blog/email series and my comments about the outcome are expressions of opinion only. I cannot make any guarantees other than to deliver the coaching services purchased as described.
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