This 3-Step Process Changed How I Handle Negative Emotions (And It Will Change Yours Too)
I've always been drawn to practices that help us release what no longer serves us, but it wasn't until I faced the ultimate test of surrender that I truly understood its power.
In 2017, after a near-fatal car wreck in Baja that left me with a fractured sacrum and required
six abdominal surgeries, I found myself lying in a Mexican hospital operating room, looking up at the surgical lights with only five words: "I'm in your hands, God."
That moment of complete surrender—when I had absolutely no control left—changed everything. During my third surgery, I had a near-death experience where a voice asked me,
"You get to choose how you go through this experience. What will you choose?"
I chose love and gratitude over victimhood, and miracles began to unfold.
What I discovered through that trauma, and what I've been practicing ever since, is that surrender isn't defeat—it's the pathway to profound healing and peace.
When I later discovered Dr. David Hawkins' specific "Letting Go" process, I recognized immediately what he was describing. His systematic approach gave language and structure to what I'd experienced in that hospital room and had been practicing intuitively ever since.
Dr. David Hawkins, MD, PhD, was a renowned psychiatrist, researcher, and spiritual teacher who developed a systematic approach to emotional freedom. His book "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" outlines a precise method for releasing negative emotions and limiting beliefs that keep us stuck. But what makes his work truly revolutionary isn't just the technique—it's the deep understanding of consciousness and emotion that underlies it.
My Journey from Trauma to Transformation
After surviving three significant traumas, I believe I survived that near-fatal car wreck to live to tell this story. What happened in that Mexican hospital wasn't just about physical healing—it was about discovering a state of consciousness I'd never experienced before.
During my recovery, as I looked out at the world, my eyes observed what was happening without emotion. This state felt as if my ego—that repetitive negative voice in my head—was turned off, and in its place was the purest, most beautiful, and profound peace, love, and compassion I'd ever felt. Everything was perfect, exactly as it was. I didn't resist or want to change anything.
This experience taught me that we can practice surrendering in small ways before we face life's ultimate tests. While my profound surrender happened after a life-threatening car wreck, you can start building this muscle with everyday frustrations and minor emotions.
For years before discovering Hawkins' formal process, I'd been practicing what I now recognize as his three steps. When I'm stuck in negative thinking, I imagine putting those thoughts in a bag and laying them on the ground. Sometimes I'll say to myself, "Delete, delete, delete, through all time, space, and dimensions"—a way of saying I don't have to believe every thought that crosses my mind.
When I need to surrender something I can't change—whether it's my relationship dynamics or any issue where I feel stuck—I mentally see myself holding it, then imagine laying it on the ground and surrendering it to what I call "the Boss" (my term for God/Universe, which I know is benevolent—I have evidence).
What Makes Hawkins' Process Different
What I love about Hawkins' approach is that it gave scientific structure to what I'd experienced intuitively. Unlike general concepts of "letting go," Hawkins created a step-by-step technique that's both practical and profound. His process is based on the understanding that we have three choices when faced with any feeling: suppress it, express it, or escape from it. But there's a fourth option that most people never discover: letting the feeling be there and letting it go.
What I've come to appreciate through my practice—both in crisis and in daily life—is how this approach differs from everything our culture teaches us about emotions. We're conditioned to either push feelings away, act them out dramatically, or numb ourselves with distractions. Hawkins offers something radically different—a way to be with our emotions that transforms them.
The Three-Step Letting Go Process
Through my practice with Hawkins' technique, I've discovered it's elegantly simple yet remarkably effective:
Step 1: Allow Yourself to Feel
Instead of resisting, fighting, or trying to change the emotion, allow it to be there. Feel it fully without judgment. This means dropping the story about why you're feeling this way and just experiencing the raw sensation in your body.
In my experience, this first step is often the hardest. We're so used to immediately spinning stories about our feelings—justifying them, analyzing them, or trying to make them go away. Learning to feel without the mental commentary takes practice.
Step 2: Let It Be There
Don't try to push the feeling away or hold onto it. Just let it exist within you without resistance. This is different from wallowing or feeding the emotion with thoughts—you're simply allowing its presence.
This step requires inner spaciousness. It's like becoming the sky that holds the clouds rather than being the clouds themselves. The emotion is there, but you're not consumed by it.
Step 3: Let It Go
When you're ready (and only when you're ready), let the feeling leave. You don't need to force it out or analyze it away. It will naturally dissolve when you stop energizing it with resistance.
What amazes me about this final step is how organic it feels when you've truly done the first two steps. The emotion seems to release itself, like a wave that naturally recedes after reaching the shore.
The Deeper Understanding: Why This Process Is Revolutionary
Through practicing Hawkins' method and studying his deeper teachings, I've come to understand that this process works on multiple levels simultaneously:
Surrender as Healing
At its core, letting go is about surrender—not as defeat or passivity, but as a conscious release of emotional resistance. Most of our suffering doesn't come from what we feel; it comes from fighting what we think. When we stop the inner war, healing begins naturally.
The Energetics of Emotion
Hawkins taught that emotions are measurable energy fields that correlate with different levels of consciousness. Each emotional state—shame, grief, fear, anger, pride, courage, love—vibrates at a certain frequency. Lower emotions contract our awareness and drain our vitality; higher emotions expand our consciousness and restore our energy.
What I've experienced personally is that the letting go process is literally an ascent up this emotional ladder. As I release lower-frequency emotions, I naturally find myself in higher states of peace, joy, and clarity.
Breaking the Illusion of Control
One of the most liberating insights from Hawkins' work is understanding that resistance creates suffering. We exhaust ourselves trying to control our inner experience, when true power comes from yielding rather than forcing. Through my practice, I've learned that the emotions I was most afraid to feel were the ones that, once welcomed, transformed most easily.
Seeing Through the Ego's Games
Hawkins identified the ego as the root of our internal struggle—that voice driven by fear, scarcity, and the need for external validation. The ego doesn't want us to let go of anger or guilt because it uses these emotions to maintain its identity. Learning to see through these patterns has been one of the most freeing aspects of this work.
The Key Insight: Feelings Aren't Facts
One of Hawkins' most powerful teachings is that feelings are simply energy in motion. They're not permanent parts of who we are, nor do they define reality. A feeling of fear doesn't mean you're actually in danger. A feeling of unworthiness doesn't mean you lack value. These are just energetic patterns moving through your system.
This understanding has been life-changing for me. Instead of being at the mercy of every emotion that arises, I've learned to relate to feelings as temporary visitors rather than permanent residents.
Why This Process Works So Profoundly
Through my practice and study of Hawkins' work, I've discovered this process works on multiple levels:
It honors your humanity by allowing you to feel without judgment—no emotion is "wrong" or "bad"
It prevents emotional suppression that can lead to physical and mental health issues by giving feelings a healthy way to complete their cycle.
It builds emotional resilience by teaching you that you can handle any feeling that arises.
It creates space for higher emotions to emerge naturally—when lower emotions are released, love, peace, and joy can flow more freely.
It addresses the body-mind connection by acknowledging that chronic emotional patterns often manifest as physical symptoms.
Practical Application in Daily Life
You can use this process with any emotion: anger, fear, sadness, guilt, shame, or even positive emotions you're afraid to lose. The key is practice. Like any skill, letting go becomes easier and more natural the more you do it.
Here's a simple exercise I use regularly: When you notice yourself in emotional reactivity, pause and ask yourself: "Can I allow this feeling to be here? Can I let it be here without trying to change it? Can I let it go?" You don't have to answer "yes" to move to the next question—just asking opens up the possibility.
I've also found it helpful to work with smaller emotions first. If you're dealing with rage or deep grief, start by practicing with minor irritations or mild disappointments. Build your "letting go muscle" with manageable feelings before tackling the bigger ones.
The Universality and Simplicity of the Path
Despite its profound spiritual depth, what I love most about Hawkins' approach is its simplicity. No guru is needed, no complex system, no special beliefs. Anyone, anywhere, in any situation, can begin the process of surrender. This is both radical and accessible—it puts the power of transformation directly into our own hands.
A Personal Reflection on Surrender and Transformation
While I initially approached Hawkins' work after already having profound surrender experiences, studying his method gave me a framework for what had saved my life. What draws me to his approach is not just its effectiveness, but the way it empowers us to work with our emotions skillfully rather than being at their mercy.
My near-death experience taught me that letting go of negative emotions means experiencing ever-increasing happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. It's an expansion of awareness and a return to our authentic inner Self. Letting go is one of the most productive tools for reaching spiritual goals—I've experienced profound growth by letting go of control and letting the Boss take over.
I've discovered that every time I truly let go of something—whether it's a minor frustration or a deeper hurt—I don't just feel relief. I feel more myself. It's as if I'm returning to that state of pure peace and love I experienced during my NDE, one that isn't clouded by emotional baggage.
The beauty of this process is that it requires no special beliefs or complex techniques—just the willingness to feel and the courage to let go. Remember, surrender isn't about quitting or giving up. Surrendering is a way of learning to let go of something challenging while embracing uncertainty and practicing curiosity instead of judgment. Be open to what shows up.
It's taught me that we are not our thoughts or emotions, and freedom begins the moment we stop fighting them.
Moving Forward
If you're interested in exploring this further, I highly recommend reading Hawkins' book "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender." But more importantly, I encourage you to begin experimenting with the process itself. Like any transformative practice, the real magic happens not in understanding the concept intellectually, but in applying it consistently in your daily life.
The path Hawkins offers is ultimately one where healing comes not from effort, but from release; not from changing life, but from changing our relationship to it. Each emotion we learn to welcome and release brings us closer to what he called our natural state: calm awareness, intuitive wisdom, and unconditional love.
Remember: every emotion is temporary, every feeling will pass, and you have the power to work with whatever arises in your experience with grace and wisdom. The question isn't whether you can let go—it's whether you're willing to discover what's possible when you do.
What emotions are you ready to let go of? I'd love to hear about your experiences with this process in the comments below.
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